Hinge: Friend or Foe?

I was recently talking to a co-worker of mine, who lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma about some of the dating stories that she has been telling me, that her friends that have been going through. In more specificity, these dating stories from her friends, include some of the challenges that they have been facing on the apps. Even with my very limited dating app experience, I explained some of the things that I did not like, not about the apps itself, but the logic/game behind getting to even the first date, when it comes to online dating. My co-worker then began to tell me, that she knows friends that have been on Hinge, swiping and talking to guys, but have NEVER BEEN on the first date!

You guys, when I heard that, my jaw DROPPED. I was so shook, because isn’t that the whole point? What are you doing on a dating app, if you are not even going to go out on a date? She then proceeded to tell me, that there are a group of girls, that just like the “attention” of guys, take their compliments, and get to the point of planning the first date. Except, THEY NEVER GO ON THAT FIRST DATE.

To my horror, I then asked my coworker, “So then what do they do, if they do not go on that date?” And she then said they just don’t show up or ghost the guy. I am sorry what. Now, again, I have very limited experience here, but why go through all that effort, of talking to someone to then just ghost them? Like I get it, if something in the conversation made things uncomfortable, and you were like, “No, I do not want to talk to this person anymore”. Then ghost them or unmatch with them. That I can understand. But what sick and wicked game are some women playing, when they are wasting a guy’s time? Especially, if this is a pattern that they maintain. No wonder guys just have to be cautious in all aspects of dating at this point. In this case, I do not blame them.

But it also begs the question on what is considered a “normal amount of talking” before getting to the first, “in-person date”? In my personal opinion, I would want to get to the “in-person” part as soon as possible, as I would like to know if we truly “click” in person. And on top of that, I do not like wasting not only my time, but the other person’s time. However, I was talking to another co-worker, who is also in the online dating market, and while she agrees with me, she also thinks that the longer talking period comes more from the guy’s side, to make sure that the girl is comfortable, before anything in person happens. I have seen enough “horror stories” on Instagram reels, to tell me that some first dates, are just downright awful.

I guess, I am not sure what the right balance is. I am someone that may be a bit “old-fashioned” or someone that maybe just doesn’t have the patience to play any stupid, bullshit games. So for me, it is in my best interest, to scope someone out right away. Maybe that is partially why I lost my patience with Bumble, because I felt like that talking stage dragged on. But I also can see the other side of it, where you are meeting a complete stranger, off of the internet. You truly never know what you can walk into. So of course, you would want to “vet them out” so to speak, before you see them in person.

I am not sure. You truly have to give massive kudos to dating apps, as some people have found their spouses that way. But, has it always been this hard? Or have things been shifting, because the “social culture” has been evolving as well? The one thing I will say though, is completely ghosting someone, because you no longer want to go on the ALREADY PLANNED first date, is not cool. I truly feel for those men. And I only hope that it happens less and less, but who truly knows anymore. I certainly don’t.

What do you guys think? Under what circumstances, is completely ghosting someone okay? Are there some things that are just better left unsaid? Let me know your thoughts below.

~Christina Snitko