Treading the Waves of Burnout
I have been treading the dangerous waves of burnout. It’s sort of like jumping over the waves in the ocean. Sometimes, you jump so high that you ride the wave. It's fun, exhilarating, and exciting. And sometimes, you miscalculate the trajectory of the wave, missing it, where the current pulls you under. You flip and stumble underwater, and the surface feels like it is miles up, when only, you’re a couple of feet underwater. That is how burnout is. The simplest tasks become the most difficult to do. We start to forget what we need to accomplish for the day. Everything. Just. Becomes. Exhausting.
What happens when we miscalculate the strength of the waves? We get pulled under, far under, where we think we might actually drown. This is it. And then somehow, by the mercy of the Ocean herself, she brings us back to the shore.
How many times have we miscalculated our strength? How many times, have we depleted the gas, the precious gas we have in our tank? How many times, have we ignored our body, ignored her little whispers, when she tells you that she is tired? But you make her tread on. We cannot afford to drown. So, we push on. Through the work, through the exhaustion, through everything, until we have nothing left. I guess that is the consequence, of living in a patriarchal society. The wise wisdom that we had, is now long gone.
We push and push. We continue to push our bodies, until we have nothing left. And then, we finally hit that dreaded “burnout”. And some lunatics, wear burnout, as a badge of honor. I used to be one of them. To whom are you displaying this honor? What happens, when there is nothing more that we can do? Except REST. But we don’t know how to do it. We don’t even know how; we can restore ourselves.
I think, that until we hit rock bottom, is when (and only when) we decide to bring ourselves back up to the surface. But the problem truly is, we do not let ourselves breathe for too long. We do not allow ourselves to float at the surface, taking in the rays of the sun. We do not allow ourselves to really take a second and be. Just be.
What I have really noticed about myself, is when I get lost, I am deeply lost. I sometimes forget why I started the job I did, because I am too busy being miserable within my current position. It is hard sometimes, when your livelihood, depends on your paycheck. When you need to feed yourself and others, and pay the bills. While sometimes, changing a job, or taking a vacation will not do much to solve the major issues, do not forget to take a couple moments, within your day to breathe. Remind yourself, that your life is more, than being a machine. Your life, is worth living. And even if there are little things that bring you immense joy, do those things. Bask in them. Life is short. I romanticize the coffee that I have in the morning. I love going on my lunch walks. Sometimes, I even have some great conversations with my coworkers. I listen to some amazing podcasts, on my commute to and from work.
While the burnout I feel is very real, I cannot just quit everything. That wouldn’t be very realistic or practical of me. I have bills to pay too. And while we cannot change every single situation in our lives, it all starts with a thought. An action, that is ultimately a choice. I am choosing to stay at my job, while also choosing to have a different mentality. I am choosing to spend more time on my hobbies, so that I have something to look forward to, at the end of my day. I am choosing to breathe in the fresh air on my lunch walks. In these little choices, I am choosing myself. I am choosing to be here. And one day, with these little choices I make along the way, I will build the life that I have always wanted to have. It starts with one action, that can change the trajectory of your whole life. How magical is that?
